Deep, gasp... “You can’t say that!” or ... “You can’t write that!”.
These were the words I so often heard in my childhood.
Although my mother was doing her best to guide and direct me to say what she considered were the “right things” and write the “right things”, in reality I believe her wording had a negative effect on the ease with which I found the right words to speak aloud or the confidence to write - quite an effect on life as I grew up.
We can only respond with the knowledge and experience we have at the time.
My mother was passing on knowledge & understanding she had learned from her own father… who had learned it from his mother… who had learned it from…. generations back… but who, I now reflect, were all living in different eras & cultures.
I wonder if you recognise from your own upbringing, your own challenging behaviours you've developed? For example, I look back now & realise I grew up without faith in my thoughts, my decisions or my voice. I believed my mind & my words couldn't be trusted - that I could only repeat what I'd learned from the well-read & “intelligent” people my family approved of - what I should say, what I should write, what I should be thinking. Thinking for myself was not just unreliable, it was wrong!
When I finally reached university – studying the degree (in Law) I thought would finally make my parents acknowledge me as someone who had some valid things to say – I started to realise that the words of these so-called well-read authority figures weren’t quite so perfect, moral or “intelligent” as I’d been led to believe! I was both relieved & a little perplexed - so who is it I should learn from?!
Fast forward 30 years & despite the hypocrisies I’d unmasked at university, I was still struggling to let go of this part of my upbringing - still shackled to others’ expectations & working out what I should do. I still hadn’t gained trust of my own mind. Sound familiar to you?
Boundary Coaching Steps In
So where did my eventual transformation come from? Where did I learn to have the confidence in my own thoughts, decisions & voice? Boundary Coaching!
Poor (well, absent!) personal boundaries - in a life spiralling out of control with demands from all angles & which I believed I should be doing - led me to Nancy Levin & the Levin Life Coaching Academy...
My mentors & peers in the Academy were talking about “inner wisdom” – & having had 30 years in my science based career (not Law) - I initially thought they must be quite potty! But as I learned more, as we were encouraged to reflect back on the cultural norms we had learned within our families, schools & communities, as we were guided to dig down into what made each of us, us – I discovered and experienced the huge power and wisdom that resides inside each of us – our own inner wisdom.
And I don’t think it’s all about “woo” or the “universe” (it might include that, not sure) – I believe it’s all about the amazing collection of knowledge, understanding & experiences that are held within our subconscious – a subconscious that is built on our genetics, influenced by our epigenetics, our family history, our cultures, the enormous range of experiences we’ve had in our lives, the conversations, the thoughts we’ve had, the things we’ve learned, the things we’ve witnessed… the list is endless. All these factors are held in the amazing memory bank and almost infinite number of nerve connections that make up our subconscious brain. It is truly phenomenal.
And that is where our “inner wisdom” comes from – and I've discovered all you have to do to access it is pause, breathe & listen. Pause, breathe & listen. Pause, breathe & listen. Close your eyes, focus your mind inwards & just see what answers come to you on the questions you have. It’s as simple and as difficult as that.
I don’t deny that it takes practice – it does. It can be quite frightening at first, to let go, observe & listen. You may feel scared to hear what comes up, you might not feel confident or willing to ask questions – you might be worried about asking the “right” questions (as I was).
Perhaps you could let your subconscious do the asking, something like: “Please let whatever I need to know come to the fore of my mind – something that is for the good of me and those around me.” That’s how I started. That’s where I believe the huge power of quiet & meditation comes from – & the wonderful evidence-based health benefits of meditation that have been shown time & time again to occur.
Your amazing brain has so much to teach you!
...if only you give it the time and opportunity to offer up its inner wisdom. It’s yours. It’s you. It’s your voice. Allow it to help you grow in confidence, to guide you in this journey that is your life. Let it guide you to ask for the answers that are for your greater good, that are for your journey to courage, confidence - and a life back in control & relieved from emotional & physical pain.
Repeatedly listening in to my inner wisdom has helped me evolve into who I am now. And I am now delighted to be guiding others through the Boundary Coaching programme to rediscover their own true voices & show them how to set themselves free from the chains of self-doubt.
If you feel inspired to find out more about boundary coaching & how I may help you rediscover your own inner wisdom, please have a look at www.physioconnectdurley.co.uk. Perhaps even jump ahead & book a Discovery Call with me, directly!
Catherine xx